Effective 1:1 meetings with your engineering team: Best practices

One-on-one meetings are more than just a casual check-in. They’re a cornerstone of building trust in engineering teams. By creating a safe space for developers in one-on-one meetings, you increase engagement and boost morale. This helps bring up issues that might stay hidden. It also ensures that information flows both ways.

In fact, research shows that employees who have regular one-on-ones with their manager are almost three times as likely to be engaged at work​. These meetings give engineers a safe forum to ask questions, raise concerns, and feel heard by their manager. 

In this guide, we’ll explore the best way to run 1:1 meetings. This includes how to structure these meetings and what mistakes to avoid. We will also discuss active listening techniques and feedback methods like Radical Candor and SBI. Lastly, we will talk about how to avoid micromanagement.

Whether you’re a new engineering manager or a seasoned leader looking to up your 1:1 game, these tips will help you turn your one-on-one meetings into impactful conversations.

Use these 1:1 meeting best practices to have effective conversations with your developers.

Consistency is key to effective one-on-ones. Most experts recommend holding 1:1s at least biweekly or, ideally, once a week​. If possible, hold one-on-ones for an hour. 

In my experience, 60 minutes is the sweet spot. Shorter meetings often get swallowed up by surface-level updates. These shorter meetings don’t give enough time for deeper topics to emerge. You’ll typically spend the first 15 – 20 minutes on simple updates, with more personal or “thorny” issues emerging around the 20 – 30 minute mark​.

A great 1:1 has some structure, but also lots of room for the employee’s needs. It often helps to have a consistent agenda or template that you both contribute to. 

The meeting should be employee-driven. They should prepare the initial agenda, while leaving space for manager topics. This ensures you cover what’s most important to them.

One-on-ones are not meant to be status update meetings or task review sessions. Don’t fall into the trap of running through a checklist of project statuses—that’s what stand-ups, weekly reports, and team meetings are for. Instead, use 1:1 time to remove roadblocks and give employees the support or resources they need to do their best work​. 

Another frequent pitfall is using 1:1s solely to assign new tasks or micromanage progress. Remember that a good 1:1 is employee-focused: It’s their time to bring up what’s on their mind. If you do most of the talking or turn the meeting into a directive session, you’re missing the point​.

By avoiding micromanagement in your one-on-ones, you’ll help your engineers become more self-sufficient and confident. They’ll appreciate that you trust them, which in turn makes them trust you more.

One-on-one meetings are only valuable if your team member truly feels heard. That’s where active listening comes in.

Active listening means giving your full, undivided attention and engaging with what the other person is saying—not just waiting for your turn to talk. So, what does active listening look like in practice?

• Eliminate distractions: First, make a conscious effort to remove or ignore distractions during the 1:1. If you’re on a video call, don’t multitask or glance at other screens.

• Paraphrase and summarize: A core active listening skill is paraphrasing what you heard. For example, if your engineer describes a challenge, you might respond, “So what you’re saying is that the project deadline is causing you a lot of stress, right?”​ Restating their points in your own words shows you’re processing the information and gives them a chance to confirm (or correct) your understanding.

• Ask clarifying questions: Don’t hesitate to ask follow-up questions to dig deeper or clarify vague points. Encourage the person to elaborate. This shows that you’re interested in truly understanding.

• Avoid interrupting and judging: Active listening also means holding back your immediate reactions. Let your report finish their thought completely before you respond. The one-on-one should be a judgment-free space where employees feel safe speaking honestly.

Active listening matters because it builds trust and rapport. When an engineer feels sincerely heard, they’re more likely to open up about challenges and give you candid feedback. 

One-on-one meetings are an ideal time to discuss short-term and long-term goals and follow up on progress from previous conversations.

Engineering managers can use 1:1s to help their team members set meaningful objectives, whether it’s improving a specific skill, completing a project, or working toward a career milestone. The key is to make these goals a recurring topic of conversation so they stay front-of-mind and don’t drift into “set and forget” territory.

At least once per quarter, dedicate time to talk about your engineer’s goals. Make them specific and actionable. Here are some examples of both short-term and long-term goals: 

• Deliver project X by next month
• Give a tech talk in a team meeting
• Become a senior engineer in 2 years
• Gain more experience in architecture design

The most productive one-on-one meetings happen when your direct report feels safe. As an engineering manager, part of your job is to cultivate a supportive, trust-filled environment in these conversations. 

1:1 meetings should be a place of psychological safety. Your team members trust that they can be honest, share concerns, and even discuss problems or mistakes without fear of punishment. If someone admits to a mistake, focus on solutions and what they learned, not on blame. Creating this kind of environment takes consistency and intention, but it pays huge dividends in engagement and retention.

Unfortunately, trust isn’t built in one meeting—it’s built over many interactions where you demonstrate reliability and empathy. Use the 1:1 to practice active listening and get to know your team member as a human being. 

Take a genuine interest in their life and well-being. Opening a one-on-one with a personal check-in (“How are you feeling this week?”) can set a supportive tone. Over time, these small moments accumulate into trust.

Giving and receiving feedback is a critical part of one-on-one meetings. Two popular frameworks can help engineering managers navigate feedback conversations in a constructive way: Radical Candor and the SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact) model. 

Each framework offers guidance on how to communicate clearly while maintaining a good relationship. Let’s explore how you can incorporate these into your 1:1s and the pros and cons of each.

Coined by Kim Scott, Radical Candor is a management philosophy that boils down to the motto Care Personally, Challenge Directly. In essence, it means you show genuine care and respect for your employee as a person while also being willing to give honest, direct feedback to help them improve​.

In the context of a one-on-one, practicing Radical Candor might look like this: You’ve noticed an engineer frequently interrupts others in meetings, which is hurting team collaboration. A radically candid approach would be to bring this up in the 1:1 with both compassion and clarity. For example, you might say:

“I want to share an observation because I care about your growth. In team meetings, I’ve seen you jump in while others are talking. I know you’re enthusiastic, but when you interrupt, it can shut down their ideas​. I think it’s impacting how the team perceives your collaboration. How do you feel about that?”

This message challenges directly (by pointing out a problematic behavior without sugar-coating) but also shows care (by maintaining a respectful tone and framing the feedback as a way to improve).

Pros of Radical Candor: When done correctly, it builds a culture of trust and continuous improvement. Your team knows you will tell them the truth and not hold back important feedback.

Cons of Radical Candor: If misunderstood or misapplied, Radical Candor can backfire. The philosophy requires balancing kindness with clarity. Some managers might focus too much on the “direct challenge” and forget the “care personally.”

The SBI model, developed by the Center for Creative Leadership, is a simple three-step technique for structuring feedback​. It stands for Situation, Behavior, Impact. Here’s how it works, and how you can use it in a one-on-one:

• Situation: Describe the when and where of the behavior you’re addressing. This sets context and anchors the feedback to a specific instance, preventing it from feeling vague. 
  • Example: “In yesterday’s sprint planning meeting. . .” or “Last week when you were on call and we had that outage. . .” 
• Behavior: Describe the observable behavior that the person did (or didn’t do). This should be factual and free of interpretation or judgment. Stick to what someone could have seen or heard. This is important because it keeps the feedback objective. 
  • Example: “You didn’t share the draft project plan you had prepared” or “You solved the customer’s issue in under an hour.” 
• Impact: Describe the result or effect that behavior had. This can include how it affected the team, the project, or even how it made you feel. Explaining impact is crucial because it connects the dots. 
  • Example: “As a result, the team felt unprepared and the meeting was less effective” or “It helped us meet the deadline and made the client very happy.” 

Pros of SBI: It keeps feedback clear, focused, and fair. By focusing on a specific situation and behavior, you avoid generalizations like, “You always. . .”

Cons of SBI: Not every issue fits neatly into a single situation or behavior. If a problem is more persistent or subjective (like a general attitude or a pattern over time), SBI might be trickier to apply.

One-on-one meetings should empower your engineers, not make them feel policed. To get the most value, it’s important to keep the focus on the person and their growth and needs. Here’s how to use 1:1s to foster autonomy and professional growth.

• Don’t make the 1:1 a status meeting: Save status updates and task assignments for team meetings or sprints. Allocate this time to answer the engineer’s questions.
• Focus on growth and development: Set aside time to discuss goals and professional development. Use frameworks to share feedback and opportunities for improvement productively.
• Encourage autonomy: Agree on what success looks like and let the engineer figure out how to get there, offering support as needed. 
• Listen to signals: If an engineer comes to the 1:1 and frequently seems anxious or defensive when talking about their work, consider whether you might be micromanaging unintentionally. Practice active listening to build trust.
• Show trust: If an engineer makes a decision or handles a task, avoid second-guessing unless it’s truly necessary. Even if you would have done it differently, as long as it’s within acceptable bounds, let it fly and see how it goes.

Uncover the basics of excellent engineering management.

Effective one-on-one meetings are a powerful tool in an engineering manager’s toolkit. Remember that the primary goal of a 1:1 is to support your team members through active listening, guiding, and building trust. Keep the meetings frequent and long enough to dig deeper when needed, but flexible enough to focus on what truly matters each week. 

In the fast-paced tech world, it’s easy to let “people stuff” take a back seat to product deadlines. But investing time in quality 1:1 meetings is investing in your people, and by extension, your product’s long-term success. Great engineers flourish under managers who communicate well, listen actively, and care about their growth. Happy 1:1s!